Tell, do not only ask
One sentence about you for every question. Otherwise it is an interview.
Analysis
Three messages and then silence
This is the most common complaint about dating apps, and the explanation is almost never personal. There is a structural cause, and a few things that genuinely help.
The structural cause
When it costs nothing to approach a hundred people, people approach a hundred people. None of those messages was written to a specific person, and none of them really expects a reply.
The receiving side discovers there is no point investing in answers, because most of what arrives is not serious. The sending side discovers there is no point investing in approaches, because most go unanswered. Both reduce effort simultaneously, and the system degrades.
The result is a conversation that starts politely and dies of boredom, because nobody brought anything to it. That is not your failure, it is the outcome of a model.
Three small mistakes that speed the death
Questions answerable in one word. "How are you", "how was your day". The answer is "fine", and then you have to start again.
Questions taken from the profile. If it says she likes running and you ask whether she likes running, the conversation stops immediately because you brought nothing.
Replying only with questions. A conversation made entirely of questions is an interview, and interviews are exhausting. The simple rule: for every question you ask, tell them one thing. People open up when somebody opens up first.
And what actually rescues a conversation
Leaving it. That sounds paradoxical and it is the real answer. Written conversation is a poor medium: no voice, no rhythm, no timing. After three days it exhausts itself even when both people are interesting.
A ten minute voice call carries more information than a hundred messages, and it is usually more enjoyable too. People who are funny in life are not always funny in writing, and that explains a great many dead conversations.
On TOKME you can move to a voice or video call with one tap from the chat, without handing over a phone number. And because an approach here costs a credit and needs acceptance, there are fewer empty conversations to begin with.
Three immediate fixes
Open questions
A question answerable in one word will end the conversation.
Move to voice
Ten minutes of talking beats a hundred messages, and is usually nicer.
Frequently asked questions
Why do people suddenly stop replying?
Usually not because of anything you said. In a service where everybody receives dozens of approaches, conversations fall away by themselves. The only way out of that state is to move to a live conversation quickly.
How many messages before suggesting a meeting?
Fewer than it seems. After two or three days of good conversation, suggest a short voice or video call. Wait a fortnight and you usually never move at all.
What do I do when there is nothing left to say?
Stop asking and start telling. One small story from your day produces more conversation than five questions.
Does this happen less on TOKME?
Fewer conversations start, because an approach costs a credit and requires acceptance, so what does start was intended by both sides. And the move to a voice or video call is one tap away.
The app is almost here. Want to know when?
TOKME is in the final stages of store review. Leave an email address and you will be among the first to know on launch day, with a free credit pack for early sign-ups.
The address is used for the launch notice and nothing else. We will not pass it on, and you can leave the list at any time.