A photo with your face in it
Not a group shot, not sunglasses, not from a distance.
Guide
Online dating: a guide for starting or returning
If you have never done this, or have not done it in a decade, the first step is usually the hard one. Here is how it actually works, without the promises and without the jargon.
The profile, and why it is not a CV
The common mistake is writing a profile that tries to please everybody. Such a profile describes a generic person, and nobody falls for a generic person.
A good profile is specific to the point of mild discomfort. Not "loves to travel" but where you went last. Not "loves music" but what you listened to this week. Specifics are what give somebody something to write to you about.
And one photograph where your face is clearly visible. Not a group shot, not sunglasses, not from a distance. If somebody has to look for you in the picture, it is not working.
The approach
An opening line that says "hey" gets a reply about as often as it is written, which is almost never. It says nothing and could have been sent to anybody.
A line that refers to one specific thing from the profile gets a reply far more often, because it proves you read it. That is the whole trick, and there is nothing clever about it.
And do not send many. Ten considered approaches beat a hundred generic ones, and they also cost less where an approach costs something.
The step that decides everything: getting off the screen
This is where most people get stuck. Texting is comfortable, it carries no risk, and it can go on for weeks. The problem is that it teaches you almost nothing.
Texting is a forgiving medium. You can rewrite a sentence five times and answer an hour later. After a fortnight you know an edited version of a person, and that is not the version who arrives at the cafe.
The practical rule: if after a few days of good messages you have not moved to a voice or video call, you probably will not. Ten minutes on video tells you more than two weeks of messages, which is why it is built into TOKME rather than living in another app.
Three rules that work
Specific beats general
A line about something in the profile gets answered. "Hey" does not.
Get off the screen early
Ten minutes of video is worth two weeks of texting.
Frequently asked questions
How long does it take to meet somebody?
There is no honest number, and anybody who gives one is inventing it. What is known: the time shortens a lot for people who move from text to a live call quickly, and stretches for people who stay in text.
I do not know what to write in my profile.
Start with three specific facts rather than descriptions. Where you were recently, what you did at the weekend, and what annoys you. Specifics give people something to write to you about.
Is it safe?
As safe as you are careful. Meet in a public place the first time, tell somebody close where you are going, arrange your own travel, and give financial details to nobody at any stage.
When should I move to a call?
Earlier than feels comfortable, after a few days of good messages. On TOKME you can do it inside the app without handing over a phone number, which removes the main obstacle.
The app is almost here. Want to know when?
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